Say Something
by Writeaboutus
Summary: "I keep wondering why I'm back here and why I'm still wiping away my own tears."- Rachel's Point of view during Glee 100 & 101 episode, with a faberry twist.
1. 100

**Glee 100 in my eyes.**

* * *

I remember a time when I used to dread walking down these halls. When beyond every red locker I feared an attack of an icy beverage. I also remember walking with my head held high, chin up, shoulders back, and a confident smile. When inside all I felt was small.

Now I am here, head held high, chin up, shoulders back, and confident smile. But I feel anything but small. I am to star in the production of Funny Girl. I admit, I had my doubts along the way. But here I am, 19 years old, and already the biggest success story of this school.

Is it so wrong that I expected rolling red carpets down the hall? Confetti? Cheering crowds? Perhaps. Doesn't mean i didn't feel a twinge of disappointment when I walked down the hallway and I felt as invisible as I did the first day I walked through these very halls.

No matter. I walk through the familiar doors of the one place I was able to call my sanctuary and inside awaits my friends. No. My family. Because that's what each and every individual is to me in this room. Yes, even the newer ones. Though they're more like the long distance relatives that you never really find out their names, just faces.

Each person in this room is my family. Why You may ask? Because each person in this room had the same dream, the same goal at one point. And it was to see this little rag tag glee club make it to the top. And it did. That it did.

Some of these people were my biggest tormentors. At one point they really wanted me to fail. And now I can say for certain, that they only want to see me succeed. Though Santana may be the only one in the room who doesn't, but I'm hoping that is just a phase she's going through.

Mercedes stands beside me, eyeing my chair. Yes, MY chair. That is THE Rachel Berry chair. She knows it. I know it. There is no point in denying it. So why is she practically salivating over it? How dare she! We all know I am the biggest star, no point denying it. I might have graduated a year ago. I might have matured. I might usually let petty things go, but it's almost like a spot light shines down on it. (Even Wade, or is it Unique? must see it, because she's searching for the source of the light.) And I did say MIGHT after all.

So who's to stop me from lunging from the chair, situating myself at the front of the room, right next to one Quinn Fabray?

I can't concentrate on her right now. What with my position of biggest success story from glee being compromised. It's the first I have seen her since arriving in Lima and I wanted to greet her properly, but I have a situation at hand.

"Greet each other!" Kurt hisses into my ear from behind. He of course has his fiancé to sit next to, so he's in the best of moods. HIS title isn't being compromised. Everyone knows Kurt Hummel at this school. But Rachel Berry didn't get her welcoming committee of adoring fans, so she can at least have this.

"Hello Rachel I am so happy to hear about your success." Mercedes greets rather forcefully.

"Oh thank you Mercedes. And you are looking well." I greet, plastering on one of my best grins. Though by this time, everyone in this room must know it's false. Who does she think she is? Stealing my spotlight. It's just plain rude.

"Now if you'll excuse me. I'll make my way to the back of the buss." Mercedes quips with a forced smile. I refrain from rolling my eyes as she makes her way to the back of the room.

"100 Lessons." Mr Schue starts his lesson after writing down the number down on the board.

"Hey, cam I get Finn's plaque when we clear this place out." Noah asks. I swallow the lump in my throat at the thought. It's taken some time to heal from his loss. And I don't think I may ever truly recover. No one ever does after their first love. I shake away those thoughts. I'm in a good place now.

"Finn's plaque stays. Lillian and Finn belong here. At McKinley" I frown at the mention of Mr. Schue's old glee club teacher. I had almost forgotten about her.

The room is enveloped in silence. The kind that hurts. I briefly lock eyes with the blonde to my right. She offers me a supportive smile.

Mr Schue begins to ramble, and normally I would be the first to pay attention to his long winded rants. Especially now, that it is going to be one of the last I will ever hear. Instead my lips are curled into a smile, thankful that Quinn was the one who put it there. It's crazy how she still has this effect on me.

"Your assignment." These words get my attention. "Is to sing one of the songs we have already done in here, but reinvent it in some way. Way back in the old days when I started the Glee club, I would give an assignment then give a little demonstration of what I was looking for."

There's laughter and cheers around the room, but I can't help but grimace at the thought. It's not that all of Mr. Schue's performances were bad, he did give it the old college try, but some of them still haunt my nightmares.

"See you all cheer now, but wait 'till he starts rapping." Santana tells everyone from her seat in the back of the room. It's one of the few things my old roommate and I can agree on these days.

"No Hip Hop today Santana." Mr. Schue tells us. There is a God! And he's merciful! "However." And yet.. I cringe at what the man might come up with next. "I have asked a very special person to come join me. it seemed appropriate since her contributions helped save the Glee Club. Or at least the auditorium, way back when. Please welcome, all the way from broadway, Miss April Rhodes!" Ok this is actually a good idea.

I watch the petite, perky blonde enter the room with a smile on my face.

"Hey Y'all!" She greets us enthusiastically. I can't help but jump to my feet, like the rest of my friends, and clap excitedly for her return.

Maybe this week wouldn't be a total waste, With a side cast glance to my right, I really think it might be a good thing.

* * *

We are gathered around the piano as april tells us about her... experiences.

I really try and focus on her tales. I do catch a couple of parts, but mostly I find my eyes drifting over to the blonde across the piano. And I could be imagining things (God knows it isn't the first time I have imagined things around this piano(my best example being almost falling in love with William Schuester)), but I might have seen Quinn throw a couple of her glances my way.

"I see you." Speaking of blondes. I turn to look at bubbly Brittany. I really have missed her. Not only because she brought out the best in Santana (not that I have anything against my friend and coworker Dani) but also because she was naturally happy and she has a way of projecting her happiness to the people around her.

"Hi Britt." I smile, giving her a one armed hug, as to not disturb April's story.

"I see what you're doing." Brittany repeats. I have to furrow my brow at her sentence. I've been standing here the whole time. What could I have been doing. "Quinn looks good, doesn't she?"

My eyes go wide for a moment, but I let it pass, I am an actress after all. I can turn this around. Instead of answering I run my fingers through her blonde hair.

"You're growing it out." I note, she nearly throws back her head in a laugh, but manages to stop herself.

"I'm watching you." Brittany warns, narrowing her eyes at me. She smiles, pointing her plastic champagne flute at me then turns her attention to April who has now started to sing _Raise your Glass._

I pick up my own champagne flute and join in on the shenanigans going on around the room. I have to admit, I did miss this part of Glee. When, no matter if you were a cheerleader, jock, nerd, or an up and coming star (me), you would sing and dance together, because none of that other stuff mattered.

* * *

I'm not being creepy, I swear. I simply followed Quinn to have a proper conversation with her. Yes, I'm a couple paces behind her, but that is only because I have yet to muster up the courage to actually approach her.

What? Did I actually just think that? No. I am THE Rachel Berry. I don not have to muster up courage. I am courages 98% of the time. Hey, I'm human. Spiders and dark New York Alleys still scare me. Back to the point. I'm about to take those extra steps to reach her, when I see she has spotted Noah.

Dammit. That was my chance. Ok, I can just wait. I'm not going to step in now. I want my own time with her. I don't want to have to share it with Noah Puckerman.

Did she just call him handsome? Ok, well that's true, if you're into that sort of thing. No. Don't you dare Noah Puckerman. Do not ask Quinn out to breadsticks.

Tickle spot? Why didn't I now about this tickle spot. I'm sure I look about as thrilled as Noah does right now. What's a Biff anyway?

"Wait, you call your mother, mother?" Noah and I are the same page here. I don't like this Apple Kid. I don't care that Quinn has been with this guy for 3 months. She can do better.

Quinn walks off with her preppy boyfriend, laving both Noah and I slightly unsettled.

Noah spots me, hiding behind a freshman who is rifling through his locker.

"Does this look itchy?" He asks me, pointing at his uniform. I shake my head and run my hands over my clothes, trying not to appear like I had been eavesdropping. It's bad decorum. "Have you been here the whole time?" Puck smirks at me, almost knowingly.

"What? N-no. I was simply admiring my old locker." I say, turning to face the locker in front of me.

"Yours wasn't in this hall." Noah reminds me. I force out a laugh, tapping my hand against my head.

"Silly me. I guess it really has been a while." He does not look convinced. "Well I must be going now." I try to excuse myself, but Noah takes a hold of my wrist.

"Were you listening to that?" Puck nods over to where they had been having their conversation. I shrug instead of answering. "I don't like that guy."

"I don't think it's any of our business. Quinn can date whomever she's like." I tell him. Though I completely agree.

"Then why were you eaves dropping?" Puck asks, almost in a teasing manner, like he's in on a joke I am unaware about.

"We should get to the choir room soon." Call me Rachel Berry, master of evasion. "I'm sure someone is going to perform something soon."

* * *

I am not leering. I am not leering. No, I am admiring. Taking notes, actually. Yeah, that's it. Also. I am admiring the choreography- no. No I am not. Just kidding

It started off innocent enough, but now. Am I the only one having a cell block tango fever dream here? I can't be the only one.

Ok, someone needs to turn on the AC. I should probably blink soon. People might notice. Those Cheerio outfits just do things to me...

"Are you ok?" Sam asks from the seat next to me. Seriously? How can he even notice how I look? Why is he not watching them. I have never appreciated the sights of 'the unholy trinity' more.

"Fine." I try and sound nonchalant, but I don't tear my eyes away from The sight in front of me. So he probably didn't buy it.

If there is a God. He blessed us with this performance. Quinn Fabray, please stop moving your hips that way. Ok don't stop. No stop. No, don't stop.

The funny thing is Kurt sat me down before flying out here to Lima. He wanted to make sure I'd be ok seeing Quinn. He knows about the crush I had harbored for her when we were in Glee club. It had always been a small crush, it would occasion flare to dangerous proportions, but I almost always managed to keep myself in check (the almost part being when I couldn't help but follow her into the bathroom at prom when Kurt won queen). I had assured him that those days were behind me and I no longer had romantic feelings for Quinn.

I think I may need to reevaluate that. At the very least, I am still very much attracted to her, physically I mean.

It might not be Quinn. It could be the performance itself. I'm human after all. Who wouldn't find that performance sexy?

Oh no, she stopped. Act normal Rachel. Be cool. I clap loudly like the rest of the club.

"That s what I am talking about, Kiddos." April exclaims. "What did you think Mr. Preppy McDimplebutt." She takes a sip from her red solo cup. I'm not sure what is in there, but i have half a mind to ask April for a sip.

"Oh, um, I thought it was very..."He trials off, unable to find a word. Sensual? Sex? Hot? Hell wouldn't be able to reach the temperature of that performance? "Energetic."

I turn in my chair, like most of the first row, and look him up and down. What is wrong with him. Were we not watching the same performance? Does he not realize how lucky he is?

"Dude, you were texting the whole time." Mike looks upset with the Biff. I knew I always liked Mike.

"He's very busy." Quinn defends. Usually I listen intently to every word that comes out of her mouth, but I can't find it in me this time. Puck glares at him, the eyes Quinn. Then his eyes stop on me. I try to wipe all emotion off of my face, but apparently didn't in time. He arches an eyebrow at me. The something in him seems to click and he grins widely over at Quinn, but she is too busy defending the Biff to notice him.

What does that boy know?

"Hey Rachel!" Brittany greets me a little out of breath once the bell rings. Wait, where is everyone going? We don't go to school here.

"I wasn't staring." I blurt out without thinking. Brittany smirks knowingly at me, but shakes her head. She's slightly out of breath, and a little flustered after her performance.

"I mean." I correct myself. "You did great. You girls were wonderful."

"Suuure Rachel." Brittany smiles, taking my arm. I may notice Santana glaring at me when Brittany takes my arm and leads me out of the room. Whatever. Santana can't be mad that I am friends with Brittany or even if she was propositioning me. She and Britt are no longer together and Santana and I are no longer friends so it's not like I'm breaking an rules. Not that I see Brittany that way.

"Would you like to be a guest on fondue for two?"

* * *

This is the perfect way to keep my mind off of the other blonde in glee club. No not that Kat girl, or whatever her name is. Quinn. That's right. I'll put all my time and energy into making sure I beat Mercedes as the 'Ultimate Glee Star'. Copyrights Pending.

That's right. This is why this Diva off is so on. Defying Gravity is my song. I can conceded Mercedes joining Kurt and I if that means I win it all. I take the title. I take the belt. I... you know where I'm getting with this right. I shall be the ultimate winner. That is why Kurt and I are at school after hours, practicing Defying Gravity. Blaine is here by extension of course.

"You want to what?" I nearly bark out. Actually yeah, I probably did yell. Kurt has to place a calming hand over my own to get me in check. Blaine eyes me curiously, though I'm sure by now Kurt has told him. I expect as much, those boys no longer keep secrets from each other.

"I mean, technically I don't have to ask your permission." Noah starts, though with the slight smirk on his face tells me that he is poking fun at me. Or he is up to something. It's probably the latter. "But I figured you would be weird about. So will you let me sing it?"

"What? No. Keep Holding On is my song." I protest. Is his smirk getting bigger?

"I'm sure Avril Lavigne would disagree." Kurt pipes in with a joke. I glare at him.

"What are you getting at Noah? You know this song is important to me." Ok, so maybe he doesn't know, but still.

"Look, I just think I should sing it, the whole club will dance it. It'll be nice for Quinn. She needs to see that Biff isn't the right guy for her." I can tell Puck's admission is honest, which makes it all the worse. I narrow my eyes at him.

"And you are?" I question. Kurt squeezes my hand, reminding me to dial it back.

"I think that's up for Quinn to decide."

"Fine." She really deserves someone better. And who knows? Maybe Noah Puckerman is the right guy.

This time Puck narrows his eyes at me. Almost as if he wants to continue arguing.

"You sure?" He asks. Is he really all that surprised? Did he want me to say something different?

"Yes, you're right." I tell him. Again, Kurt squeezes my hand, but this time it's in support. Puck heaves a sigh, looking slightly... disappointed?

"I'm heading to Breadsticks with a couple of the gleeks, you guys in?" Puck asks. I shake my head. I really don't want to look at him any longer.

"I think we're fine. Thank you Puck." Blaine speaks up us. He nods and leaves Blaine, Kurt, and I in silence.

"Are you ok?" Kurt asks. Bless this boy, he really understands me.

"Again." I nod at the Piano, urging Blaine to play us the song.

* * *

I stand before my friends, my eyes flickering around the room. Trying not to land on either Quinn or Puck. But of course, my attempts are futile, they always drift back to her. She watches me, a smile on her face. Like maybe she's proud of me.

And maybe that's enough.

* * *

I continue to keep my focus on being number one. Even recruiting meetings with the new new directions.

"Blaine tells me you ordered a meeting, hoping to persuade them to vote for you? Shouldn't you let your talent speak for itself?" Kurt asks. He has yet to tell me who he thinks deserves to win.

"What do you know Charlie Brown?" I ask, entering the choir room.

"I happen to like this shirt." He huffs defensively. "I'll let the moment pass because I know you're using this competition as a-" I glare at him, daring him to continue. "I'll go sit with Blaine." I take a seat at the back of the room, mostly so I can sit and admire in peace. No one can see me from here.

I watch her as she enters and takes a seat at the front. I know the moment is coming. We have already rehearsed all we're waiting for is for Puck to give us the go ahead.

He stands for a moment because Mr. Schue has asked him to go next. My stomach clenches. I tell myself I am doing this for her. She deserves a chance to choose. Santana of course, interrupts. I don't even stop myself from rolling my eyes at her, but part of me is grateful for it. I'm fine with anything as long as it puts that performance on hold.

I try to pay attention to the performance. And for the most part I enjoy it. Brittany and Santana really are at their best when their with each other. But I never stand. I simply stay seated, my eyes occasionally flickering over to Quinn.

When it's all over Puck stands, announcing to the class that we will be moving to the auditorium.

Well, here goes nothing.

Who am I kidding? Here goes everything.

* * *

Puck has me sitting next to him, almost like he wants to keep his eye on me. Kurt, being the dutiful best friend that he is, takes a seat next to me. Silently promising to get me through this.

And then he sings the song. My song. Our song.

And I am in the perfect position to watch her. And boy does it hurt. Because it moves her.

And I sing a long. I do it for her,

The curtains open and we start the choreography that I came up with all those years ago.

I dance my part with Kurt, clutching onto him tighter than I need to. He holds me just as tight, because he of all people knows how much this hurts. He is the only person I have told.

He and I sort of had this unrequited love thing going on. He with Finn. Me with Quinn. Kurt and I really are soul mates.

I put on the brave face. forcing myself to smile. I know I look over at her longingly, but I really don't have the right to. I never confessed my feelings. Not that I ever really stood a chance.

I see the tears roll down her face. Dammit Puck. It's working. He's going to get the girl, isn't he?

And when the song ends and he approaches the crying blonde. We give them their space. I automatically move towards Kurt.

"I can't watch this." I tell him. Kurt sits me down and takes my hand. He could go over with our friends or his fiance. But instead, he sits with me.

Noah and Quinn talk for a moment. I watch her wipe at her tears before she exits the auditorium.

* * *

"Alright everybody. No more drama. It's time to vote for either Rachel or Mercedes." Mr. Schue announces.

You know, in my defense about this whole situation. Mr. Schue shouldn't indulge Mercedes and I in our petty argument. He should know better to stop us. I'm just glad I have something to keep my mind off of things.

"Excuse me Schuester. Before we cast another pointless vote in a meaningless contest that has absolutely no practical ramifications what so ever. I would like to say some things about my good friend Rachel Berry." To say I am surprised about this is an understatement. I grin up at her though, I need a little self esteem boost after everything that has been going on.

"Rachel Berry is the most horrible human being on the planet."

"What?" I really should have seen this coming.

"Can it troll." She bites back.

"Santana!" Mr. Schue tries to intervene.

"You have sold half the people in this room down the river more times than I can count. So you could get a solo or the lead in a musical and I'm pretty sure that you don't names of the other half of the people." Santana challenges. i shake my head, smiling politely at the room, trying to keep it together.

"That's not true." I disagree.

"Alright, what is his name." Santana points at the boy next to Mike. O c'mon that isn't fair. Santana doesn't know his name either.

"Rick." Or something like that.

"Exactly thank you." Santana thinks she has proved her point. The poor boy mouths his name to me. Ok, I feel bad now.

'See you've all met Rachel ok, but I live with her." Kurt hides his face in his hand. He looks tired at all of this. Everyone else in the room is either shocker or feels bad for me.

"Let me tell you what it's like to share a bathroom with this stubby undergrown little creet. Someone in that apartment shaves their face and leaves their stubble in the sink and we all know it ain't Kurt so do the math."

"That's a lie." I try to defend myself, but she keeps going and no one stops her.

"You know what else is a lie? When you won prom queen." Santana continues, my eyes flicker over ti Quinn at the mention.

"What?" Now what is she making up?

"Yeah that's right. You didn't win, ok? Everybody just felt really bad for you and the two people that you hate most in this whole world, Quinn and I, stuffed the ballot box so that you would win." I want to correct her, because I have never not once, hated anyone in this room. I have to keep my eyes away from Quinn because it would hurt even more. She's not eve jumping in to say it's not true. Which mean it is.

"You are so cruel, Santana. I mean, you're only doing this ti me because I'm the lead in Funny girl and you're just the lowly understudy. You want to make me feel bad because I am better than you." It really is the only thing I have to defend myself. My mind is so blank, having learned what I just did. "And you're an awful person." And with that, I leave the choir room.

* * *

I find myself in my usually crying bathroom. Part of me hopes that Quinn, like so many times before, will follow me here. And even when the door squeaks open, I actually think it might be her, but it's Mercedes.

Why did I even bother coming back to Lima? I know the answer to that. It's because I knew there was a chance I would see Quinn. So much for that. She and I haven't even had one conversation.

Mercedes coaxes me out of the bathroom after a lovely, uplifting conversation. I really did miss this girl.

For a moment I wonder if she chose to follow me here or if someone sent her in.

I guess it doesn't matter, because like usual, I had to dry my own tears.

* * *

"Want some?" Kurt asks when he finds me outside the school, near the busses

"Where did you get a flask?" I ask, scandalized.

"April gave it to us." Blaine pops up out of nowhere, holding up his own flask.

"Engagement slash wedding gift, I think." Kurt explains, waving it in my face.

"I'm fine, thanks."

"You sure?" Blaine asks me, patting my shoulder sympathetically. Yup. Kurt told him.

"Yeah, I'll be right in." I nod over to the school. "I'm going to go find Mercedes."

I wander around for a bit, when I hear the angry voices.

"A baby?" I hear "I mean what happens if we got married and this kid shows up looking for money? Are you crazy?" Oh I know what this means. "Was this the loser that knocked you up?

"Yes, Pucks the father." I peer around one of the busses and take in the scene before me. "i'm looking for acceptance here. This is how I love."

"That may be how you and your loser friends love, but where I come from you carry your past, with you. You are the worst kind of hypocrite." Why is Noah not doing anything? Why am I not doing anything?

"You walk around like some snow fricken white, but you're really a dirty little slut bag." I start forward, but then Quinn defends herself. She takes The Biff's nose between her knuckle and yanks hard.

"You shouldn't have said that." Quinn tells him as he is whimpering in pain.

"Ow God, let go. Am I bleeding?" Quinn let's go of his nose.

"Not yet." Puck tells him. I move forward again to intervene, but someone stops me.

"Let's go." It's Mercedes, tugging me back towards the school.

"But-" I point over at the struggling men.

"Puck's got it. Let's go." And she manages to yank me away.

Puck is going to get the girl. Because he saved the day.

Mercedes and I walk around, giving me time to calm myself before we head back to the choir room.

Mr. Schue is collecting what I assume are the votes when we enter.

"So um," I start " sorry about that outburst earlier. Mercedes and I have been talking-"

"And we've both decided that making you vote for who's more talented is completely ridiculous and unproductive and narcissistic. I mean, how can we ask you guys to choose between two beautiful, Queen Divas?"

"Well funny enough, they did vote. And they did choose. and guess what? you're both equally talented in their eyes and mine." Mr Schue tells us.

I can't help but squeal and hug Mercedes.

I look around and realize Puck is here, but Quinn is missing. I wonder who would've won had she been here.

* * *

My heart might be breaking into pieces. I tell myself that it's what's best for her. That I helped this happen. That she'll be happy.

I don't see the context of it or even stay long enough to really watch what happens after, but it hurts regardless.

Quinn in Noah's arms, right in the middle of McKinley, kissing.

I turn around, running right into Blaine's arms. He has witnessed the whole thing. I collapse into his arms, breaking down.

"C'mon, let's get you to Kurt. I think he and Mercedes are looking for you." He tells me, wrapping an arm around my waist, shuffling out of this hallway. Away from the pain.

Why did I come back?

* * *

I pull away from Puck's lips and look around the hallway. Was it all for nothing.

"Did she see?" Puck asks me, looking around.

I look over to Brittany and Santana who are returning from their designated 'posts' as Puck put it.

"Did she see?" I repeat Puck's question to my two best friends. Brittany smiles sadly, like maybe what she witnessed had broken her heart.

"What? What happened?" I ask, pulling away form Puck, moving towards Brittany.

"Don't worry Q." Santana steps in. " Rachel needs this. She needs to fight for it." My best friend tells me.

"How do I even know this is going to work?" I ask them. The three of them had cornered me right after my fight with Biff. They came up with this absurd plan, but the hope that it works is what reeled me in to go along with it.

"Oh, it's going to work." Brittany smiles.

"Quinn." Puck tells me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "We're going to help you get your girl."

* * *

**So Glee 100 and 101 kinda kurt. I mean, I knew they would never show Faberry, but not even one scene? C'mon!**

**Anyway I read a fic called you're too late by diannasbacon in the middle of writing this. You guys should go check it out. It's angsty and beautiful and definitely what I feel happened canon-wise(in my little shippers heart dreams).**

**I wanted a happy Faberry ending. So I'll just pretend what I am writing is what happened. Part 2 of 2 should be up soon(ish).**

**What did you guys think?- A**


	2. 101

**I apologize for any mistakes.**

* * *

Stupid. This is so stupid. I thought I grew out of this petty high school bullshit.

"Put your head on my shoulder." Puck whispers to me, leaning in close. I smile at him, hoping it comes off as fondly, but I think I might just look like I'm going to strangle him. I lean my head on his shoulder.

Apparently not.

This is so so stupid. How did Puck and Santana talk me into this?

What is any of this going to accomplish? Santana is wrong. She has to be. Rachel in no way, has ever had feelings for me. Rachel Berry is not one to hide how she feels from people. Meaning if she ever had even an inkling of a crush on me, she would have told me by now. I mean we are sitting right in front of her now in the auditorium and still.. Nothing!

How did I even get here?

"This is all part of your plan isn't it?" I had yelled at Santana once everyone had left the choir room.

"You're just trying to screw everyone over. First Rachel with this Funny Girl stuff and now me with forcing me to play this game." Santana looked at me, unimpressed.

"First. I am not forcing you to do anything." Santana told me, poking my chest with enough force to get me to step back. "Second. I can't believe you're still hung up on that." Ok, I was not going to let that slide.

"You told her I made her prom queen because I felt bad for her!" I argued. Santana knows better than anyone that this was not the case.

"Well then why didn't you correct me?" Santana challenged. I must be losing my game if Santana isn't afraid of me. "Instead you sent wheezy to fix everything." I still have to thank Mercedes for that.

"All I asked once you threw Gossip girl out on his ass was if you finally wanted to find out if Rachel felt the same way." Santana replies.

It's true. Puck and I had been having a moment in front of Finn's jersey when Santana burst into the locker room and told us her master plan.

Puck had been insisting I break up with Biff. Which was probably going to happen sooner or later, I suspect that I may have been his beard. Takes one to know one, right? I had thought Puck was only meddling because he wanted to rekindle our relationship. Which was not gonna happen. Instead I find out that he's been trying to point me in Rachel's direction all along.

I guess I'm not as subtle as I thought with my leering. I can't help it ok? If anything Rachel's skirts have gotten shorter.

"This is stupid!" I had complained to them. See? I always knew it was a stupid plan.

"Ok, then why don't you grow some balls and actually tell her how you feel?" Santana told me. Somewhere deep, deep inside I know Santana is trying to help.

"It's not like I haven't hinted at it before!" I growled at both of them. Puck shook his head.

"You can't be subtle with her Q. Sometimes Rachel needs everything spelled out in front of her." Puck told me. How does he have the nerve to speak to me about Rachel as if I didn't know exactly how she works.

"Look either you stop being a little chicken shit and you tell her. Or you go along with my plan and see for yourself." Santana crossed her arms, arching an eyebrow at me. That is MY move. I am so off my game. I blame Rachel.

So that is how I am here, pretending to have feelings for Puck, hoping I might catch a glimpse of jealously from Rachel.

"I mean look at Puck and Quinn!" Mercedes says suddenly. Right, I should probably pay attention to what is going on. "I have no idea what's going on there nor do I have any idea where her boyfriend ran off to, but it looks like we can be expecting another accidental pregnancy some time soon."

I shudder at the thought alone. I was better off day dreaming about a world where this stupid plan actually works. I shake my head at the girl, and wag my finger for good measure.

No way in hell that is ever happing again. No more accidental pregnancies for me. Everyone around the room claps and cheers as if this a good idea or even in the realm of possibilities. It takes all I have in me not to turn in my chair and see if Rachel is amongst those cheering.

Kurt and Mercedes are coming up with some kind of anecdote to see if Rachel and Santana will put their fight aside and be friends once again. Whatever. Santana doesn't deserve Rachel as a friend.

Did they seriously just shine a spotlight on them? Yup. That's a spot light. I almost laugh when I see Brittany trying to shield the light from Santana's eyes. I really hope those two get back together. Brittany makes Santana a much better person.

Kurt and Mercedes do a great job, which is expected. I stand and applaud them, hoping that somehow this stupid plan works.

* * *

Santana drags me to the bathroom after the performance. She insists she has to redo her makeup, luckily I actually had to use the facilities.

As soon as I flush the toilet, someone enters.

"Remember when we first met?" I freeze. I'd know that voice anywhere. It's Rachel. "I was in here doing my hair-

"Are you trying to make peace with me by getting all nostalgic because if so, you are forgetting the one thing that you should have learned from all of our magical time together and that it's I have no heart." I shouldn't eaves drop. I shouldn't. I should announce myself to Rachel.

I nearly announce my presence just because I want to smack Santana. How can she be so cruel? I swear, McKinley High has a nasty effect on my best friend.

"Look, I've been unkind to you. OK. And I won't get into the whole thing about how watching Kurt and Mercedes sing got me all sentimental because I know you'll just make fun of me for it."

I peak in through the crack in the stall to get a look at what's going on. Santana isn't even paying attention to her. That bitch! She's just applying her lipstick as if this confession isn't melting her heart. It has to be.

"No, you know what? Go ahead. Please. Because if I don't express my venom at least once a day, I get constipated." What is wrong with her? What does that even mean?

"I want to give you 10 shows." Rachel blurts out suddenly. I nearly knock my head against the stall door in surprise.

"Any 10 shows after the first 3 months. Alright, and you can pick. They can be 10 in a row or 1 at a time. It's a peace offering. That way your mom can come. Or your Abuela. I just- I don't want to do this anymore. It's exhausting and it's depressing."

Ok what the hell is going on? What is Rachel doing? After all that shit Santana has put her through she is willing to give her shows, something that has been her dream since birth, because she still wants to be friends with Santana?

I don't understand.

Unless.

Has Santana actually been a good friend to Rachel. That's the only explanation. Rachel would not give up shows on a whim.

"No." And just like that Santana can ruin everything.

My jaw clenches. I should go out there and slap her. I should do it. I don't care if I'm in too deep in this whole eaves dropping thing. She deserves to be slapped.

"I want them all. The only reason why you're doing this for me is because you know i'm gonna go all Show Girls on you and win. No more scraps, Rachel. I'll be happy and kiss and be friends, once you give me the part."

In that moment. I decide to slap Santana Lopez.

* * *

"Lopez!" I screech once Rachel has exited the bathroom. Santana turns to face me, already rolling her eyes at my livid state. I grab her wrist and pull her into the nearest classroom.

And without warning: SMACK!

I feel more than a little smug at the fact that my hand print is already tinging her cheek pink.

"Ow what the hell Fabray?" Santana presses her hand to her cheek.

"You deserve that and so much more Santana. What the hell is wrong with you? That is Rachel's dream role. What are you thinking?" Santana's nostril flair when she realizes that this is the reason I have slapped her.

"You're crazy! I may have my issues with Berry, but they're my own Q. This has nothing to do with you." She snarls at me. I have the good sense to step back.

"Just mind your own business." She spits.

"Then mind your own. This plan is-" I argue, standing tall, but she interrupts

"Go with the plan. Don't. I don't give a fuck Q. I'm not the one being a coward here." Santana really has been spending a lot of time with Rachel because she performs a perfect Diva storm out. I'm left gaping, not sure how to continue.

This is when I realize the classroom wasn't empty. Teacher and students a like stare at me.

"Oh uh hi." I wave awkwardly. "Don't do drugs."

* * *

Holly Holliday has invited us all to Animal Husbandry club. What that is? I have no clue, but it's all a part of her plan to keep the glee club alive.

She's dressed in one of her crazy costumes. These poor kids will be traumatized. The Glee club is immune to it by now.

And of course out of nowhere, Holly starts to sing. The club we have infiltrated has no idea what is going in. Hell, part of me has no idea what is going-

Oooh- Rachel's dancing.

What was I thinking?

Oh who cares? Rachel is swaying her hips in ways that should be illegal.

How on earth did we end in an 80's disco club? I didn't even know Lima had these. How is it that the Glee Club always mana-

What is Rachel wearing?

I love it.

How do we all know the dance moves? Did we all practice this? Funny I don't remember practicing this with a curly haired stranger, but here I am. Dancing with him. I'd much rather be dancing with Rachel. I think I can arrange that.

I wander through the people, pretending to dance along with them.

I find a lever against the wall that reads 'Pull for suds'. What does that even mean? How is having a lever like that even convenient? Ok all of this is ridiculous enough, why should I question this?

I pull the lever and sure enough. Bubbles and suds fall from the ceiling and pour down onto us. I can work with this. I dance my way back to the center of the dace floor, maneuvering myself to dance along with Rachel. I'm having so much fun I don't even mind when Kurt and Blaine join us.

When the song is over Rachel hops up and down excitedly her arms up in the air, asking for a high ten. Who am I to deny her?

"How is that for a party?" Holly asks us. I'll ask Holly to host all of my parties if it ends with Rachel and I covered in bubbles.

"Hey babe!" Puck smiles, throwing his arm over my shoulders.

And yet...

I turn to look for Rachel, but she has already hopped over to Mike, still high off the performance.

I elbow Puck in the gut.

"Get off."

* * *

It has come to my favorite part of the day. Rachel is singing.

Sure it's a duet with Santana so that's kind of a bummer, but even I can admit Santana and Rachel sound great together. Rachel sounds good with anyone though.

This time, I choose to not sit next to Puck. I simply enjoy the performance in the nearly empty choir room.

It makes me really sad to see the choir room like this actually. So when everyone gets up to their feet to dance. I join. I don't even mind that it's Puck who pulls me to my feet. I dance with him and enjoy one of our last moments in this choir room.

The place I grew up. The place I became a better person. The place that helped me discover who I am.

* * *

Holly has a brilliant plan to make a video for Mr. Schue.

Even if the man wasn't the best history teacher and an even worse Spanish teacher. And he sometimes got inappropriately involved in high school drama. And was never prepared for competitions . And- jeez this is sounding really bad.

What I'm trying to say is Mr. Schie has his faults, but he started this club. He was always there for us. He brought us all together and is the reason some of the best years were spent in that choir room. So yeah, I think he deserves our thanks.

All around school we are saying what we admired and learned most from Mr. Schue. And when We're all done Puck asks me to sing a song with him.

"No! I shouldn't even have agreed to this plan in the first place." I shake my head fervently. I'm done.

"C'mon Q. You can't tell me you haven't noticed how Rachel is looking at you." Puck tells me. I look down the hall and see Rachel conversing with Blaine and Kurt. She spots us staring and waves at us.

"No. I see no difference." I tell him, bored.

"Why are you so scared to see something there?" Puck asks me urgently. I don't even know how to respond to that.

"Just sing the song with me and pretend you're singing it with her. I do at least want to sing one last song with you baby mama." Puck begs.

I sigh. I'll sing it with him because I do love Puck. I really do. How could I not after everything we have been through together? I'll just have to pretend I'm singing with Rachel.

* * *

There is not a more perfect song to describe me and Rachel. Every word describes us.

So even though It is Noah Puckerman sitting on the stool beside me, I imagine it is Rachel Berry. That is what gets me though the song.

Suddenly it's not the boy who got me pregnant sitting beside me. It's not even the man wearing a uniform either. It is a girl with long chestnut hair and big brown eyes. and she is smiling at me. And looking at me with a love I would never imagine possible to be directed towards me.

So I stand and I sing to the person I have imagined beside me. I sing with everything I have.

It's pretending that get's me through it. I've always been good at pretending. At make believe. I pretended not to be gay all through high school. I pretended I wasn't pregnant when I missed my period. I pretended I wasn't falling for Rachel Berry. I pretended it didn't hurt when she chose Finn. I pretended that it was Rachel instead of Santana last valentines day.

So this? Pretending it is Rachel instead of Puck? It's a piece of cake.

When Brad plays the last notes on the piano and Puck pulls me into a kiss. i'm angry

Im upset that I've had to pretend for so long. Irrationally angry of course. But I try and justify it because I have given Rachel so many moments. So many opportunities. So if she really had feelings for me- she would step up. So when I pull away from Puck I look out into the crowd of glee clubbers and say

"I have an announcement to make. Puck has asked me to go out with him as boyfriend and girlfriend. So um, I decided to throw caution into the wind and say yes." To say Puck is surprised by this is an understatement.

"Wait what?"

"Yeah, I can't make any promises. You're the only guy who's been ok with me being myself." And while yes, this is true. I don't mean it in the way it's intended to sound.

"Well yeah, once you've seen a baby come out of a girls magic garden everything else is easily acceptable." I have to suppress rolling my eyes at him.

"I think I love you Puck." I have to force the words out.

I'm not sure what is going through my mind when I say this- but the rationality goes something like this:

Rachel almost married Finn. I firmly believe I had been on my way to stop it had it not been me almost dying and all of that I would have. So maybe Rachel will stop me now. Right?

Right?

Yeah- in retrospect- I'm stupid.

Rachel Berry has always made my head go all wonky. I can never think straight around her. Pun intended.

"And I know It's not going to be easy with me in New Haven." Only 214 miles from New York, just sayin. "And you wherever. But I'd rather do hard with you than easy with someone else."

"Wanky!" Santana interrupts.

"Santa for once I would appreciate it if you'd keep your inevitable snark to yourself." I tell her- I'm trying to do something here S. Can't you see?

Oh you can't? Yeah- maybe this plan is dumber than I thought if even Santana can't see where I'm going with it. Where am I going with it?

"No. No look, I gotta be honest. I really like this pairing." Santana announces. Ok so she does see what I'm trying to do. It's like our very last ditched effort to see if Rachel will say something. It's our hail mary pass.

"C'mere." Puck mumbles before pulling me in for a kiss. Ok Puck- you're laying it on real thick with all of this smooching.

Everyone claps and cheers for us. I literally wave my arm to get them to shut up. They should be booing us.

I turn in time to see Kurt and Rachel share a look, but I have no idea what it means. Rachel is silent. Hail mary didn't work. Fumble. Turn over. I lost.

"Well." Mr. Schue begins, getting to his feet. "In many ways that brings us full circle."

What? How?

"Which is perfect because THAT was officially the last song that will ever be sung in glee club." Mr schue makes his way between Kurt and Rachel. He squeezes their shoulders.

What is this man talking about? This CAN NOT be the last performance in here. It should be Rachel. Or even Mercedes or Artie or Kurt or Tina. But not this. Not us. Not a lie. I'll even take Mr. Schue rapping.

"We all have more songs to sing. We just can't sing them in here anymore. Glee club is officially over. Thank you guys. It's been an honor."

What have I done?

* * *

We're all preparing to sing back stage. One last hoorah on the auditorium stage, where we won our national title.

I make sure to stay as far away from Puck as possible. In fact. I don't talk or look at anybody. I can't. I lost. I failed. How did I ever even think I had a shot?

"Quinn-" It's Kurt who gets my attention. He looks at me curiously. He opens his mouth to say something but is interrupted.

"KURT!" It's Rachel and she doesn't looks happy about something.

"Go ahead." I nod at him, smiling, hoping it is enough to keep people thinking I am happy. Even if it is far from that.

And it's time.

As soon as Rachel sings those words I smile. It's almost painful but I can't let my final moments with these people, on this stage, be in a fowl mood. I pull myself together and join them.

I sing our anthem with the people who are my family.

And even though it's torture. I find every available opportunity to stand next to her. To sing and dance with her. Because now that I know for sure that she does not feel the same way- I know I can never return here. I can never see these people again. It will hurt too much. A reminder of what I could never have.

Don't stop believing.

What if I can't continue the fight?

* * *

**R**

Maybe it's petty of me, but I cannot let Puck and Quinn's performance be the last one in the choir room. Not only because in no way was that performance full circle, but because it hurts too much.

So I wait for Mr. Schue to say goodbye to the choir room before I enter. I let him say his final goodbye. So I can have mine.

I enter the silent room. Never has it been more quiet. I'm used to it being filled with music and laughter and chatter. It was my home. So I stand in my usual spot and close my eyes, soaking in my final moments. I sing the only song that comes to mind.

"What have I done? I wish I could run. Away from this sip sinking under."

I'm not sure why this is the song that comes to mind.

That's a lie. I know why. I just wish I had the courage to sing it to her instead of at her. She's with Puck. There's nothing I can do about it now.

I let emotion take over. I let tears stream down my face.

"Oh how many times will it take, to get it right? To get it right?" I sing the last words of the song I wrote. Inspired by her. A song for her.

"You know for someone so frustratingly smart you are incredibly stupid." I spin around in surprise. I had left the lights off because I didn't want anyone to find me.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, rather annoyed. I shouldn't be upset at him. But of course I am. He won the girl. I lost. Nothing more to it.

When I told this to Kurt, he had been very upset with me.

"How could you have lost when you never even put yourself in the game?"

I had no answer to that because he was right. Since when was Rachel Berry a coward? When it comes to Quinn Fabray? Always.

"I'm looking for you." Puck tells me. He takes a seat on Mr. Shue's stool and looks up at me in the darkness.

"I have a question for you and you can't lie. I have always suspected, but I was never sure. Do you have feelings for Quinn?"

That is not even close to what I thought he was going to ask me. I open my mouth a couple of times but can't seem to find the right words.

" Because the way I see it- is you can either go back to New York and never know if feelings are mutual. Or you can go to the auditorium and get your girl." He smiles at me by how dumbfounded I look. I bet he has never seen me look like this.

"My girl?" I splutter. "Don't you mean your girl?" I ask. It's the only thing I can think of. He smiles at me as if he is the one who got higher SAT cores. Did he even take the SAT's. Damn condescending bastard.

"She was never my girl." Puck stands and opens the door to the choir room, nodding me out. Santana stands at the doorway. She looks annoyed that she has to spell something out for me.

"Dammit dwarf." Santana mutters taking my arm.

"What's going on?" I ask. I have never been more confused in my life and thats saying something considering I once underwent oral surgery and had a drug induced dream about Britney Spears.

"Puck and Quinn aren't really together." She informs me, leading me down the winding hallways of McKinley.

"But you said-" I start rather appalled "That you liked them together." It had offended me at the time.

"I was hoping to light a fire under your ass. Instead you sat there and clapped." Santana says it as if she's disgusted with me. I roughly pull out of her grasp.

"Explain what is going on." I stomp my foot for extra measure. Weird. McKinley seems to revert us all back to our old self destructive ways.

"Puck and I came up with a plan to make you jealous. Quinn went along with it because... Shit" Santana laughs "I don't even know why. I'm surprised she did. She must really have it bad for you."

"You came up with a plan to make me jealous?" I ask slowly.

"Yeah, keep up." Santana snaps her fingers in my face. I slap her hands away.

"You're lying." There is no other explanation "Santana I thought we were done-"

"Woah there- I'm not lying. Quinn has it bad for you. Has since high school. I lied about the prom thing. She didn't do it because she felt bad for you. She did it because she wanted a taste of Berry juice." I shove her away.

"Why do you always have to be so crass?" I ask, disgusted.

Santana is just messing with me. There is no way that anything that she is saying is true.

Santana sighs and takes my hand, gently this time. She pulls me to the auditorium.

"Quinn has been in love with you since high school." She tells me.

"What?" I choke out. "Why didn't she say anything?"

"Why didn't you?" Santana asks me.

"I was scared." I whisper. I'm not sure why I'm all of a sudden trusting Santana Lopez with my deepest, darkest secret.

"So was she. Quinn was insecure. And screwed up in high school. Well she's still messed up, but what I mean is- I- Look-" Santana is struggling with her words.

"In high school did Quinn ever say anything to you that may have seemed like she had feelings for you?

_You were singing to Finn and only Finn right?_

_You don't belong her Rachel and you can't hate me for helping to send you on your way._

_I'm not going to stand here and watch you ruin your life marrying Finn Hudson_

I start to rethink every interaction Quinn and I ever had.

Could it be true?

I find my feet taking me to the auditorium without permission.

* * *

**Q**

I'm not usually one to sing about my emotions. I usually leave that to Rachel, but I feel it's a proper goodbye for this part of my life.

I stand on the stage, a place I never really got to sing. Go big or Go home. Actually Go big and Go home. because this is no longer my home.

"Say something, I'm giving up on you. I'll be the one, if you want me to. Anywhere I would've followed you. Say something, I'm giving up on you."

"And I-" My voice cuts off at the intrusion of another. Only it's not an intrusion. It is a welcome addition .

How long has she been standing there? Who cares? Sing Quinn! Sing!

"been feeling so small. It was over my head. I know nothing at all. And I will stumble and fall. I'm still learning to love. Just starting to crawl."

Rachel steps up the stage to sing along with me. She looks as scared as I feel.

Vulnerable.

"Say something i'm giving up on you." Rachel sings, looking right at me. As if she is speaking the words to me rather than singing them. She's begging me.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you." I have never meant words more.

We continue to sing the song. Only a Piano separating us. We stare into each others eyes as we sing. Neither of us daring to look away.

I'm almost taken back to the moment when I told Rachel that she and Finn weren't meant to be. That she was much bigger than this town. I had meant every word then. I didn't know that I was also saying that Finn didn't belong with her because I did.

As the song finishes and we utter the last words to each other.

"Say something." We both finish.

It is possibly the cheesiest, corniest, most dramatic thing I have ever done in my life. Singing my feelings to someone. This isn't High School Musical, but it is William McKinley High. And it is Rachel Berry, so could I expect anything less?

"Say something." Rachel urges, her brown eyes searching my hazel ones. She doesn't sing it. She begs me to say something. Anything.

"Say something." I echo her words.

Because that is who Rachel and I are. Always insecure. Always wanting reassurance. Always looking for love.

I learned 100 lessons from William Schuester. 100 Lessons at McKinley High. 100 lessons in the choir room. 100 lessons for Glee club.

I'm ready to wipe that slate clean and start from 1 if it means that I get to start it with Rachel Berry.

* * *

**What did you think? -A**


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